Because I'm a Southerner and a voracious reader and I love to write, I have done what so many Southerners like myself have done before me. I have sought out and read other Southern writers. Now, this post isn't about Fannie Flagg or Faulkner or Alice Walker...those are classics and while they were written by Southern authors, the story lines could have probably happened anywhere. No, this post is about the newest crop of Southern writers, storytellers and entertainers in general. Seriously, those people can suck it as far as I'm concerned.
See, if you decide to read my blog in the hopes of finding cute little stories filled with horrible grammar and dialect that consists of leaving the 'g off of the end of every verb then you will be horribly disappointed. Oh, I know, I did throw a few 'ain't's in my last blog and you might see a few more in the future, but only because in that one I was addressing a particular Southern stereotype. I hate Southern stereotypes...they bug the hell out of me. You don't even want to know how long it took me to convince my Northern friends that we do NOT take our babies into bars down here in Alabama after that damnable Reese Witherspoon movie came out all those years ago...I still curse her name every time that movie is mentioned. You will also not find cute little sayings in my blogs...I will not, for instance, invite you to 'butter my biscuits' and I will never, ever implore 'yall' to 'come on back now, ya heah?'. It's just not happening. I may, once in a while, wax poetically about the wonder that is Southern food...but that's about as deep as it's going to get. Sorry...but it will be cold day in hell before I tell you how to be able to spot if you may or may not be a redneck.
It's hard to live in the South and love it and hate it at the same time...and I find myself in just this predicament. I was born and raised and spent most my life here in the south...but I have traveled extensively and my family is not all genuinely southern. My father's mother is from a country across the pond and he was born there as well. My mother's family is a mix of southern and French...but even her family isn't a deep-roots family. So, I spent my life sitting at a mix of cultural tables. As our family grew, even more cultures, races and lifestyles were introduced by the way of mixed marriages, adopted family members and the assorted gay family member or two. Our family functions include so many different colors and backgrounds from our vast assortment of friends that the front yard resembles a United Nations meeting. We like it this way...it adds flavor and texture to our lives and it makes things more interesting. I don't recall my mother or my father ever raising us to be racists or sexists or xenophobic. This does set me apart from my other Southern counterparts and has caused me some friction with friends and co-workers alike. Most of the time I tell people when they are being major assholes, but there have been times when I've been in the company of people so vile that I have kept my mouth shut for my own safety. My husband and I personally raise our children to be accepting of everybody...so far, they are doing a great job of not becoming ugly bigots.
Another thing my parents instilled in me was a love of learning. Oftentimes in the South and in Southern stereotypes you see that Southerners are suspicious or hostile towards education or an educated person. Jokes abound about the 'smart, Harvard educated Yankee' being outsmarted by the 'common sense, down to earth Bubba'. In reality, I've never seen this happen. Most people I've met that are not big on higher education are deluded and frankly, a little crazy. I've never understood this aversion to reading and learning...it baffles me to this day. I use my own trailer park neighbors as an example to my kids that education is very important lest they end up like them. (Incidentally, education has nothing to do with how or why I live in a trailer park...that came about by sheer circumstance and it's not unusual to find the most intelligent people are often the ones that make the least amount of money. In many towns in the south jobs go to the people who know someone...not necessarily the person most qualified or educated....the Good Ole Boys Club is still alive and well down here, trust me.)
There are many charming endearments about the South that I love...I already mentioned the food...but one of the other things I love is the friendliness of the people. People here are much more friendly and open than people in other parts of the country. Since it's a small town you are likely to run into your doctor at the school PTO meeting, your Dentist at the grocery store and everybody else at the local Wal-Mart. When you see them, you will stop and say hello and chat for a minute. I ran into my doctor recently at a music concert. He stopped me and asked how I was feeling and reminded me if I felt bad anytime soon before my next appointment don't hesitate to call him. Things like this happen quite a bit...and not just with people you know. I can stand in a line at a store and by the time it's my turn to check out I can swap life stories with the person standing behind me. And yes, we do wave at the other drivers as we pass them on the 2-lane back roads...a simple lift of the index finger is all it takes. These are just some of the things I love about living here. But you won't find me writing about them that often.
And why should I? I think there are quite enough Southern writers and entertainers out there trotting out their tired Southern accents and riding the coattails of the Redneck craze that there is no need for me to add to the mix. So, does this mean I can't call myself a 'Southern writer'? I'm not sure yet. I have written about the South as I see it and have been told that I'm not 'Southern enough' since I don't refer to the Civil War as 'the War of aggression' and I don't mist up at the sight of the confederate flag...in fact, I recoil when I see it...it makes me wince, truth be told. But I still consider myself Southern. I do love sweet tea (although not TO sweet) and pecan pie and fried chicken and any vegetable that has been dipped in corn meal and fried makes me swoon. I am an atheist, but I will sing along if I hear a good southern gospel song and nobody loves country music like I do...or rough bars (otherwise known as honky-tonks). And if that's not enough, I had a grandmother that I called 'Maw-Maw' and she used to make us go into the yard and break our own branch or 'hickory switch' when we needed a 'whoopin'. So, am I Southern or not? The jury's still out on that...but while we wait...can I get yall some tea to drink?
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