Because I'm a Southerner and a voracious reader and I love to write, I have done what so many Southerners like myself have done before me. I have sought out and read other Southern writers. Now, this post isn't about Fannie Flagg or Faulkner or Alice Walker...those are classics and while they were written by Southern authors, the story lines could have probably happened anywhere. No, this post is about the newest crop of Southern writers, storytellers and entertainers in general. Seriously, those people can suck it as far as I'm concerned.
See, if you decide to read my blog in the hopes of finding cute little stories filled with horrible grammar and dialect that consists of leaving the 'g off of the end of every verb then you will be horribly disappointed. Oh, I know, I did throw a few 'ain't's in my last blog and you might see a few more in the future, but only because in that one I was addressing a particular Southern stereotype. I hate Southern stereotypes...they bug the hell out of me. You don't even want to know how long it took me to convince my Northern friends that we do NOT take our babies into bars down here in Alabama after that damnable Reese Witherspoon movie came out all those years ago...I still curse her name every time that movie is mentioned. You will also not find cute little sayings in my blogs...I will not, for instance, invite you to 'butter my biscuits' and I will never, ever implore 'yall' to 'come on back now, ya heah?'. It's just not happening. I may, once in a while, wax poetically about the wonder that is Southern food...but that's about as deep as it's going to get. Sorry...but it will be cold day in hell before I tell you how to be able to spot if you may or may not be a redneck.
It's hard to live in the South and love it and hate it at the same time...and I find myself in just this predicament. I was born and raised and spent most my life here in the south...but I have traveled extensively and my family is not all genuinely southern. My father's mother is from a country across the pond and he was born there as well. My mother's family is a mix of southern and French...but even her family isn't a deep-roots family. So, I spent my life sitting at a mix of cultural tables. As our family grew, even more cultures, races and lifestyles were introduced by the way of mixed marriages, adopted family members and the assorted gay family member or two. Our family functions include so many different colors and backgrounds from our vast assortment of friends that the front yard resembles a United Nations meeting. We like it this way...it adds flavor and texture to our lives and it makes things more interesting. I don't recall my mother or my father ever raising us to be racists or sexists or xenophobic. This does set me apart from my other Southern counterparts and has caused me some friction with friends and co-workers alike. Most of the time I tell people when they are being major assholes, but there have been times when I've been in the company of people so vile that I have kept my mouth shut for my own safety. My husband and I personally raise our children to be accepting of everybody...so far, they are doing a great job of not becoming ugly bigots.
Another thing my parents instilled in me was a love of learning. Oftentimes in the South and in Southern stereotypes you see that Southerners are suspicious or hostile towards education or an educated person. Jokes abound about the 'smart, Harvard educated Yankee' being outsmarted by the 'common sense, down to earth Bubba'. In reality, I've never seen this happen. Most people I've met that are not big on higher education are deluded and frankly, a little crazy. I've never understood this aversion to reading and learning...it baffles me to this day. I use my own trailer park neighbors as an example to my kids that education is very important lest they end up like them. (Incidentally, education has nothing to do with how or why I live in a trailer park...that came about by sheer circumstance and it's not unusual to find the most intelligent people are often the ones that make the least amount of money. In many towns in the south jobs go to the people who know someone...not necessarily the person most qualified or educated....the Good Ole Boys Club is still alive and well down here, trust me.)
There are many charming endearments about the South that I love...I already mentioned the food...but one of the other things I love is the friendliness of the people. People here are much more friendly and open than people in other parts of the country. Since it's a small town you are likely to run into your doctor at the school PTO meeting, your Dentist at the grocery store and everybody else at the local Wal-Mart. When you see them, you will stop and say hello and chat for a minute. I ran into my doctor recently at a music concert. He stopped me and asked how I was feeling and reminded me if I felt bad anytime soon before my next appointment don't hesitate to call him. Things like this happen quite a bit...and not just with people you know. I can stand in a line at a store and by the time it's my turn to check out I can swap life stories with the person standing behind me. And yes, we do wave at the other drivers as we pass them on the 2-lane back roads...a simple lift of the index finger is all it takes. These are just some of the things I love about living here. But you won't find me writing about them that often.
And why should I? I think there are quite enough Southern writers and entertainers out there trotting out their tired Southern accents and riding the coattails of the Redneck craze that there is no need for me to add to the mix. So, does this mean I can't call myself a 'Southern writer'? I'm not sure yet. I have written about the South as I see it and have been told that I'm not 'Southern enough' since I don't refer to the Civil War as 'the War of aggression' and I don't mist up at the sight of the confederate flag...in fact, I recoil when I see it...it makes me wince, truth be told. But I still consider myself Southern. I do love sweet tea (although not TO sweet) and pecan pie and fried chicken and any vegetable that has been dipped in corn meal and fried makes me swoon. I am an atheist, but I will sing along if I hear a good southern gospel song and nobody loves country music like I do...or rough bars (otherwise known as honky-tonks). And if that's not enough, I had a grandmother that I called 'Maw-Maw' and she used to make us go into the yard and break our own branch or 'hickory switch' when we needed a 'whoopin'. So, am I Southern or not? The jury's still out on that...but while we wait...can I get yall some tea to drink?
Monday, May 18, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Yeah, I live in a trailer...what's your point?
So, apparently I'm supposed to be ashamed of my current abode...otherwise known as the double wide. Yes, it's true, children...I live in a trailer...a mo-bile home, if you will. I'm not ashamed of that...it's shelter and shelter's kind of important in life. It ranks right up there with food, and clean water and chocolate and good quality tequila. But, here's the thing...
I'm the only one who doesn't have a problem with my trailer. See, I happen to like it a little bit...my only gripe is it's a little small for a family of 5 but aside from that...it's cheap, it's warm in the winter/cool in the summer, it keeps me dry and it gives me somewhere to store my shoes so really, it's all I need. But other people have a problem with my trailer. Oh yeah, see when you meet me, you would never guess I live in a trailer...in an honest-to-God trailer park...with driving directions that include the phrase 'okay, turn off the paved road onto the second dirt road on your right'.
But my trailer park isn't just your ordinary run-of-the white trash mill trailer park, no sirree. My trailer park is situated dead center in the middle of one of the most high income areas of my county outside the city limits. Right down the road from my 'hood are million-plus dollar homes complete with private lakes and shit like that. So, when I am at my kids' schools and I meet other parents, they think that because of my fancy talkin' that I reside in one of those homes like they do...that is, until they come to drop off their precious little Hunters and Austins and Jackson-Parkers...then, they cringe inside their spic-and-span SUVs and look at my house like it's a dungeon of horrors. (FYI, I drive an SUV as well only mine looks like an SUV should...it's covered in the purest of red Alabama mud and it may or may not contain a towing hitch...I'm not going to say because really, that's private and you don't need to know.)
Now, being a high-class sort of redneck, my trailer is a double-wide. This means that (1) it took 2, count 'em, 2, trucks to pull this baby in here and (2) I am obviously the most affluent person in my neighborhood since I have the biggest trailer. I'm quite proud of my trailer as it has some amenities that make some of my stick-built home friends envious. For instance, I have just over 2,000 sq feet of space. That's a lot of space. I have a HUGE kitchen and laundry room and I have a wood burning fireplace.
Now, some may say, but Lib, aren't you afraid of tornadoes? (And this is a real threat in Alabama) and to that I say 'Sure...but I've seen the damage left by tornadoes and if a tornado wants your house it really doesn't give a shit if it's sitting on a concrete slab or an axle...it's taking it...Mother Nature is a bitch and she always gets the house.
Let's say I did lose my house? So what? Do you know how cheap these things are? Hell, I paid $40,000 for my house and I'm fully insured. Mother Nature wants it, she can have it...I'll collect my insurance check and be on the mobile home dealer lot within 48hours ready to buy another one. They can have that thing backed up onto my spot and put up withing another 48 hours. So, I'm back in a house in less than a week. Meanwhile, all those stick house snobs are fighting over contractors and living in tiny motel rooms. Yes, my house is cheap...it was cheap to buy, it's cheap to insure and it's cheap as hell when it comes to taxes. It's considered a 'vehicle' in my state so all I have to do is renew my sticker every year. Yearly property taxes for my double-wide? $56. And, if I get bored with it...I can trade it in for a newer, better one...with a great new-house smell...just like a car. Really, it's not that bad. My family gets a home that isn't' breaking our bank, I get a place to store my books and every body's happy.
So, next time one of those snobby mamas pulls up in my driveway I'm just gonna carry my trailer-park, white-trash ass out there with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other and stand on my deck and scratch my ass all while cussing my young 'uns in the front yard and telling her 'Don't worry...little Jackson-Parker is gonna have a great fucking time chasing the possums out from under the house!' Hey, at least I took my Christmas lights down this year.
I'm the only one who doesn't have a problem with my trailer. See, I happen to like it a little bit...my only gripe is it's a little small for a family of 5 but aside from that...it's cheap, it's warm in the winter/cool in the summer, it keeps me dry and it gives me somewhere to store my shoes so really, it's all I need. But other people have a problem with my trailer. Oh yeah, see when you meet me, you would never guess I live in a trailer...in an honest-to-God trailer park...with driving directions that include the phrase 'okay, turn off the paved road onto the second dirt road on your right'.
But my trailer park isn't just your ordinary run-of-the white trash mill trailer park, no sirree. My trailer park is situated dead center in the middle of one of the most high income areas of my county outside the city limits. Right down the road from my 'hood are million-plus dollar homes complete with private lakes and shit like that. So, when I am at my kids' schools and I meet other parents, they think that because of my fancy talkin' that I reside in one of those homes like they do...that is, until they come to drop off their precious little Hunters and Austins and Jackson-Parkers...then, they cringe inside their spic-and-span SUVs and look at my house like it's a dungeon of horrors. (FYI, I drive an SUV as well only mine looks like an SUV should...it's covered in the purest of red Alabama mud and it may or may not contain a towing hitch...I'm not going to say because really, that's private and you don't need to know.)
Now, being a high-class sort of redneck, my trailer is a double-wide. This means that (1) it took 2, count 'em, 2, trucks to pull this baby in here and (2) I am obviously the most affluent person in my neighborhood since I have the biggest trailer. I'm quite proud of my trailer as it has some amenities that make some of my stick-built home friends envious. For instance, I have just over 2,000 sq feet of space. That's a lot of space. I have a HUGE kitchen and laundry room and I have a wood burning fireplace.
Now, some may say, but Lib, aren't you afraid of tornadoes? (And this is a real threat in Alabama) and to that I say 'Sure...but I've seen the damage left by tornadoes and if a tornado wants your house it really doesn't give a shit if it's sitting on a concrete slab or an axle...it's taking it...Mother Nature is a bitch and she always gets the house.
Let's say I did lose my house? So what? Do you know how cheap these things are? Hell, I paid $40,000 for my house and I'm fully insured. Mother Nature wants it, she can have it...I'll collect my insurance check and be on the mobile home dealer lot within 48hours ready to buy another one. They can have that thing backed up onto my spot and put up withing another 48 hours. So, I'm back in a house in less than a week. Meanwhile, all those stick house snobs are fighting over contractors and living in tiny motel rooms. Yes, my house is cheap...it was cheap to buy, it's cheap to insure and it's cheap as hell when it comes to taxes. It's considered a 'vehicle' in my state so all I have to do is renew my sticker every year. Yearly property taxes for my double-wide? $56. And, if I get bored with it...I can trade it in for a newer, better one...with a great new-house smell...just like a car. Really, it's not that bad. My family gets a home that isn't' breaking our bank, I get a place to store my books and every body's happy.
So, next time one of those snobby mamas pulls up in my driveway I'm just gonna carry my trailer-park, white-trash ass out there with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other and stand on my deck and scratch my ass all while cussing my young 'uns in the front yard and telling her 'Don't worry...little Jackson-Parker is gonna have a great fucking time chasing the possums out from under the house!' Hey, at least I took my Christmas lights down this year.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Who is the Liberal Southern Belle?
Who am I? Well, this could be a long post or it could be a short one. Attention spans being what they are these days, I'll try to keep it short.
I am a 33yr old married mother of 3. I live in the deep south.
I am semi-retired due to a chronic illness and I hate it...the illness and the semi-retired part.
I am a blue-state minded woman living in a red-state...a VERY red state...but I love it here. I was born and raised here and spent most of my adult life here and I can't imagine living anywhere else. Reasons why will come in later posts.
I am a registered Democrat...a liberal Democrat, at that. I came about my political leanings through my own life experiences as well as education and philosophical beliefs about life, the universe and everything. I can't imagine being a conservative anything...
I am married to a man but I consider myself a bi-sexual woman...this makes my husband happy.
I was raised in a very conservative, Christian, Baptist church but I am now an atheist...again, as the result of my life experiences and self-education.
I am blogging on this site even though I have profiles at other social network sites because on this site I can be anonymous. I have to remain anonymous because I have friends and even some relatives on the other sites that are not aware of some things in my life...like how much of a liberal or how much of an atheist I am. This means I have to censor myself lest I make all of us extremely uncomfortable at the next family holiday gathering. So be it...I don't mind going underground because I happen to love my family, in-laws included, and it seems a small price to pay.
What can you expect to read here? Well, just about anything. I am not blogging for personal fame although if I achieve it, it will only cement my beliefs that I am meant for greatness. LOL! Actually, I'm just blogging because I can't write anymore. My illness has caused arthritis in my hands and believe it or not, typing is easier for me than gripping a pen these days and I have to write down what I'm thinking or my head will explode and that just gives me another mess to clean up and frankly, that's the last thing I need. I plan to blog about my family, motherhood, marriage, politics, religion, sex...anything and everything. Some of what I say may make you mad...that's okay, I don't mind if you get mad...I don't mind if you tell me you're mad. It really is just a screen and a machine for me so I do my best to not take it personally. If you like what I have to say, great...let me know. If you don't...fine...let me know and then shove it up your ass. I try my best to be as grammatically correct as I can...I always use spell-check and I'm not immune to backing up my facts with evidence.
So, with all that being said...let's get started...
The thing is...
I am a 33yr old married mother of 3. I live in the deep south.
I am semi-retired due to a chronic illness and I hate it...the illness and the semi-retired part.
I am a blue-state minded woman living in a red-state...a VERY red state...but I love it here. I was born and raised here and spent most of my adult life here and I can't imagine living anywhere else. Reasons why will come in later posts.
I am a registered Democrat...a liberal Democrat, at that. I came about my political leanings through my own life experiences as well as education and philosophical beliefs about life, the universe and everything. I can't imagine being a conservative anything...
I am married to a man but I consider myself a bi-sexual woman...this makes my husband happy.
I was raised in a very conservative, Christian, Baptist church but I am now an atheist...again, as the result of my life experiences and self-education.
I am blogging on this site even though I have profiles at other social network sites because on this site I can be anonymous. I have to remain anonymous because I have friends and even some relatives on the other sites that are not aware of some things in my life...like how much of a liberal or how much of an atheist I am. This means I have to censor myself lest I make all of us extremely uncomfortable at the next family holiday gathering. So be it...I don't mind going underground because I happen to love my family, in-laws included, and it seems a small price to pay.
What can you expect to read here? Well, just about anything. I am not blogging for personal fame although if I achieve it, it will only cement my beliefs that I am meant for greatness. LOL! Actually, I'm just blogging because I can't write anymore. My illness has caused arthritis in my hands and believe it or not, typing is easier for me than gripping a pen these days and I have to write down what I'm thinking or my head will explode and that just gives me another mess to clean up and frankly, that's the last thing I need. I plan to blog about my family, motherhood, marriage, politics, religion, sex...anything and everything. Some of what I say may make you mad...that's okay, I don't mind if you get mad...I don't mind if you tell me you're mad. It really is just a screen and a machine for me so I do my best to not take it personally. If you like what I have to say, great...let me know. If you don't...fine...let me know and then shove it up your ass. I try my best to be as grammatically correct as I can...I always use spell-check and I'm not immune to backing up my facts with evidence.
So, with all that being said...let's get started...
The thing is...
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